The speed zone change tailgater - On my way to work in the morning, there is an area where the speed limit changes from 65 down to 55. To keep up with the average speed of traffic, I tend to slow down, but I end up speeding more in the 55 zone. It never fails that half of the cars I recently passed end up tailgating me. I'm not sure why they think that going 5 MPH over the speed limit was too much, and then 10 over is not enough.
The insane speeder - It never fails that someone passes me going 90. They must enjoy getting tickets.
The hopeless optimist - This one really drives me crazy for some reason. I'll be stuck behind two cars driving side by side going the same speed. They're basically blocking the road. Then the idiot behind me decides to change lanes and hit the gas because he's pissed at me. This driver is apparently oblivious to the fact that the road is blocked, until they're tailgating the cars in front of us. At that point, he has to slam on his brakes.
The speed retarded - These people are the opposite of cruise control. I'll set my cruise for 70, and for 10 minutes they'll pass me, then slow down, pass me, then slow down.
The Kamikaze Lane changer - This driver decides they're on the completely wrong side of the road, so they immediately drive across all lanes. I have had a couple of close calls with these ones. Apparently my white car is invisible to them.
The oblivious on-ramp merger - Traffic is cruising along at 70 MPH, when some grandma tries to merge onto the highway. The problem is, there's no space, because when you're going 30 MPH and everyone else is going 70, you need about a mile to merge.
The slow left lane driver - Get over you dumbass. One tactic to "fix" the situation is to get in front of them, and slow down until they move over. I have seen this done. The most unbelievable part is that you can often get them down to 30 MPH before changing lanes.
The non-accident gawker - Yes, there is a truck stopped by the side of the road. No, you don't need to try to figure out what is going on. You don't need to slow down, and you don't need to start swerving around the road. This often causes a long chain of accidents. There were 3 on my short drive to work the one morning.
The multitasker - Are you seriously reading the newspaper while going 70 MPH in bumper to bumper traffic? Maybe it would be easier if you put down the cell phone.
The tailgater - These are annoying and dangerous. For extra effect, show how aggravated you are by swerving. I had one of these the one day. It was a truck full of blabbing girls. I slowly put on the brakes, and I had to hit the gas to avoid being rear-ended. The driver of the truck slammed on her brakes and probably put something stinky in her pants.
The lost and confused - You don't have any idea where you're going do you? Well, it shows. Your exhibiting some of the traits of the other drivers I mentioned.
The race cars - This one is probably not what you think. This is what 99% of drivers become when a cop merges on to the highway. Apparently they look like a pace car, so everyone has to slow way down. He'll never know you were going 85, as long as you go 55 in a 65 right now. I pass all of them when I get a chance. It must take forever to get anywhere in a police car. I'm guessing they pull people over just so they can put on the lights and make some progress.
The truck full of crap - If you're driving huge truck full of crap and it's uncovered, please don't take the highway. You see, the winds at highway speeds blow that crap all over me, the road, and other drivers.
The absurdly slow driver - Driving 30 on the highway is DANGEROUS. The gas is the one on the right grandpa.
posted @ Monday, April 14, 2008 10:54 AM